"Divorce and Remarriage"

God got divorced!  Jesus’ disciples said, “Why get married if it wasn’t possible to get a divorce!” 

Those are two shocking statements, aren’t they?  They’re true statements I’ll explain in this article, but I want you to know right away that this article isn’t going to be run-of-the-mill, “cookie cutter” teaching about divorce and remarriage.

In many respects, the Bible is a teaching textbook.  For most teaching subjects covered by the Bible, there are usually one or two major references about that subject.  Along with one or two major references, there are usually many other “minor” texts and references about that subject.  For the subject of this article, I have selected the two major texts, but since this article is not exhaustive I won’t cover many of the minor texts—although there are many of them.  I simply don’t want to make this article too lengthy.  Keep in mind, then, that I am covering only a couple of major texts about divorce and remarriage; I am not covering many, many, minor references—although for the most part, all the minor texts (when properly understood) teach the same as the major texts.

I’m not trying to “pull the wool over your eyes” by using “proof texts”;  as I always tell all my students, “Check me out.  Don’t simply take my word about what I teach.  I’m human; I make mistakes.  I’m not the final authority about what the Bible teaches.”  On the subjects I’m teaching in this article, if you, the reader, check me out with an open mind I think you’ll come to see my conclusions are correct.

And…just so you’ll know where I’m headed, I’ll tell you my conclusions first.  The Bible does not teach that divorce and remarriage are unforgivable sins.  Divorce is forgivable and remarriage is not a sin.  Jesus and Paul deal constructively with both matters and show us how to deal with them, too.  But in order to understand both subjects, we must separate what many Christians mistakenly teach from what the Bible actually teaches about divorce and remarriage.

Let’s begin with what God teaches through Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, our first major text.  In the first part of the chapter, Paul teaches that in view of events happening in their first century world it would be best not to get married in the first place; we won’t address that issue in this article.  In verse 10 Paul tells married women not to leave their husbands.  The verse goes on to teach, however, that if she departs, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband; and let not the husband divorce his wife in such a situation. 

Thus, in verse 10 Paul closed the door on separation by telling wives not to depart.  But in verse 11 he opens the door by stating if she departs—recognizing that some could not follow the instructions and would choose to depart.  In the 15th verse, Paul goes on to teach, “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart.”  This does not mean a non-Christian unbeliever who departs, but an “unbelieving” Christian—a Christian with a “hardened heart”—(whether male or female) who is not under bondage in such cases but is called to peace.  The false commandments and religious traditions of most Christians keep such people under bondage; God calls them to peace.

Here’s Jesus’ comment on such a case.  Look at John 4: 18.  Jesus did not tell the woman at the well to go find her first husband.  No!  Jesus told her to worship God.  Some Christians even tell a divorced and remarried person to divorce their present spouse and go remarry their first spouse.  They say the first spouse is the proper one and if they marry anyone else they are living in adultery.  Such bondage!  No.  Jesus calls us to peace and tells us to worship God.

Now back to 1 Corinthians 7.  Verse 16 says, “There is no assurance to a spouse if they stay that the other spouse will cease their unbelieving.”  This is another verse many Christians use to heap guilt upon a spouse to keep them from leaving an unbelieving spouse.  But God says let them go.  Yes, life would be better for both spouses if they tried to work out their problems together, but that doesn’t always happen.  That’s just the way life is sometimes among mortal, sinful humans—some can’t resolve their marriage problems, and they have to depart.

Why does God permit separation?  Why does He permit divorce?  Because he went through his own divorce(!) and he knows how tough it can be trying to stick it out with a spouse who’s causing intolerable pain to the other.  Look at Jeremiah 3: 6-8.  God got so upset with Israel (his spouse) that he divorced her.  The book of Hosea refers to the same situation, but instead of using the word divorce, he uses the expression “cutting off.”  Both mean the same thing.

Have you ever wondered why Malachi 3:16 states God hates divorce?  It’s not because God simply woke up one morning and arbitrarily and capriciously decided to hate a few things that day, including divorce.  No.  God hates divorce because he knows how much it hurts people.  And keep in mind he hates the act of divorce, not people who get divorced.

God knows some situations are just plain unbearable and unrepairable (if people remain unbelieving in his power to help them repair and restore their marriage), and he doesn’t expect a mere fallible mortal to endure such a failed relationship forever.  Even God himself didn’t endure Israel’s unbelief forever!  He divorced her.  You might have to think that through for a while.  While you’re doing that, let’s return to the New Testament and listen in on a conversation between Jesus and his disciples in our second major text.

Matthew 19: 3-8 says, “ Some religious leaders came to interview [Jesus], and tried to trap him into saying something that would ruin him.  ‘Do you permit divorce?’ they asked.  ‘Don’t you read the Old Testament scriptures?’ he replied.  ‘In them it is written that at the beginning God created man and woman, and that a man should leave his father and mother, and be forever united to his wife.  The two shall become one—no longer two, but one!  And no one may divorce what God has joined together.’  ‘Then, why,’ the religious leaders asked,’ did Moses say people may divorce their spouses by merely writing a letter of dismissal?’  Jesus replied, ‘Moses did that in recognition that people have hard and evil hearts, but it was not what God originally intended.’”

Jesus reached back in time—beyond the Law given to Moses—and showed how God originally intended marriage to be.  By doing this Jesus demonstrated there were weak points in the Law of Moses.  Many years after Moses gave the Israelites God’s Law, King David and King Solomon appeared on the scene and God told them to change many of the Laws that had been given to Moses.  Then—even later—the Son of David, Jesus Christ, made even more changes in the Law given to Moses.  That’s why we have a New Testament (Covenant)—because so many changes were made to the Old Covenant.  God’s laws grow and even change as his people grow and mature under the New Covenant.

There was nothing inherently wrong with any of the Old Covenant laws.  The problem is that some people are still trying to keep them—when they were all superseded and replaced by the New Covenant.  It’s like trying to keep the laws of the kindergarten teacher years later when the students are in college!

This causes an area of confusion in the minds of many of today’s Christians because they find it difficult to separate the different laws and different time periods.  This is especially true about some things Jesus said because he talked to Jews who were trying to find favor with God by keeping the law of Moses.  He told them what the “spirit” of Moses’ law was with the idea that it is impossible to please God through keeping the laws of the Old Testament.  But…some Christians mistakenly think they are obliged to keep the amplified Old Testament laws Jesus used for examples when he was teaching first century Jews.  Jesus abolished that Law when he nailed it to the cross (Colossians 2:14).

Let’s return to Matthew 19, looking at verses 9-12:  “And I [Jesus] tell you this, that a person who divorces his spouse, except for fornication, and marries another, commits adultery.  Jesus’ disciples replied to him:  ‘If that’s how it is, it’s better not to marry.’  [His disciples are actually saying that, in their opinion, if divorce and remarriage are not possible, they don’t want anything to do with marriage.]  ‘Not everyone can accept this statement,’ Jesus said.  ‘Only those whom God helps.  Some are born without the ability to marry, and some are born emasculated, and some refuse to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven.  Let anyone who can, accept my statement.’”

Jesus closed the door on remarriage and then added that the saying was not given to everyone because he had been explaining the depth and the tightness of the letter of the Law.  Jesus is saying not all people are able to accept and live with what he said about Moses’ commandment about divorce.  Even his own disciples didn’t want to hear it; it was too much for them.  Jesus is saying it is a rule that is best kept, but realized fully not all people could keep it.

Many well-meaning Christians get hopelessly mixed up trying to figure out what Jesus taught about divorce because they fail to notice three major divisions in the four Gospels of the New Testament.  The three divisions are:  1.  What Moses said.  2.  What Jesus said Moses said.  3.  What Jesus said.

Often, when Jesus explained in more detail what Moses said, then people mistakenly believe that is what Jesus said and taught.  It is easy to see how such mistakes occur.  Jesus’ comments about divorce (putting someone away), fornication, and adultery are an amplification of what Moses said.  Since we have been delivered from Moses’ Law, then the teachings of 1 Corinthians 7 take precedence over what Moses taught.

I am not saying Paul’s teachings take precedence over Jesus’ teachings.  I said the passage in Matthew was Jesus’ explanation of what Moses taught.  Jesus was showing no one could keep the Law of Moses—so they needed a new law.  The closely connected reference in Matthew 5 about “looking on a woman with lust” is a case in point.  Jesus said that lusting for a woman was the same as committing adultery with her.  This was Jesus’ explanation of the true spirit of Moses’ Law. 

Some people quote this statement as if it were a law that Jesus instituted.  Not so.  It was merely an explanation of the fact that no one in the world could find favor with God through the Law of Moses.  And then Jesus summed up his teaching by saying that anyone who builds on Moses’ Law builds on sand.  And anyone who builds their life on Jesus and his teachings builds upon a rock.

In 1 Corinthians 7: 27, Paul writes, “Are you married?  Don’t seek a divorce.”  Both Jesus and Paul teach that the answer to marriage problems is not divorce, but they both leave the door open to divorce.  After saying “don’t seek a divorce,”  they both added:  “If you do, these new stipulations apply.”  They say if someone is married, don’t seek a divorce.  But if you are divorced, don’t seek a new spouse.  But look at verse 28:  “If you have [re]married, you have not sinned.”  All reliable translators of the New Testament agree this is the correct translation of verses 27 and 28. 

Remarriage is not sin.  If you’re divorced, don’t actively go looking for a new spouse.  But…if you do get remarried, you have not sinned.  Divorce and remarriage are recognized and provided for in verses 11 and 15. 

The purpose of this article is not—NOT—to encourage divorce.  But one of my purposes is to help divorced Christians who struggle with terrible guilt and condemnation most other Christians heap upon them.  Far too many perfectly decent Christians cry themselves to sleep every night as a reaction to the condemnation heaped upon them by other well-meaning, but WRONG Christians, especially Christian leaders.  My sole purpose is to help people see that divorce and remarriage in and of themselves are not necessarily sinful.

Sin and hardness of heart create divorce.  Situations are created that become intolerable for a spouse.  That’s the sin:  hardness of heart and intolerable abuse (whether the abuse be spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical).  Divorce is not sin.  It is a reaction to sin.  Jesus said divorce occurs because of the hardness of someone’s heart.  Hardness of heart creates intolerable situations that can only be solved by divorce.  Hardness of heart is the real problem, not divorce.  And hardness of heart can be found in both non-Christian unbelievers and Christian “unbelievers”—unbelievers in the grace, mercy, and life-changing power of a loving God!

There should be no condemnation to anyone who has been divorced and is remarried.  If they happen to be the “guilty” party, then their errors and sins are forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ.  No other human should be so bold as to remove the “covering” of Jesus’ blood and use divorce and remarriage to condemn another person.  And suppose the divorced person was the guiltless or injured party.  They do not sin by remarrying.  In fact, they are not under any bondage anymore according to 1 Corinthians 7:15.  Divorce and remarriage are not unpardonable sins—although many well-meaning but misguided Christians treat them as such.

Again, I am by no means encouraging divorce.  But I do want to set the record straight in the minds of genuine believers in Jesus Christ and the Bible.  I want those who have been divorced and are remarried to be released from their bondage to find freedom in their relationship with Jesus Christ.  Although many Christians wrongly condemn divorced and remarried people, Jesus will not—and does not—condemn them!

I encourage anyone having marriage problems to do their utmost to resolve them.  Seek counseling.  Seek prayer.  Seek God’s intervention.  Ask for the miraculous, life-changing power of God’s Spirit.  Yes, do everything possible to remain married.  Just as all humans are imperfect, so all human marriages are imperfect.  Do your best.  But if your best fails, then Jesus does not condemn you if you must divorce.  And he does not condemn you if you remarry.

Let’s review.  In the first place, Paul recommends first-century Christians don’t get married (for reasons we won’t discuss at length in this article), but if they do get married, that’s okay with God.  My own opinion is that Paul was recommending they don’t marry because of a situation he called “this present distress” in 1 Corinthians 7:26.  I don’t think his recommendations against marriage apply today, but that’s my own opinion.

Next, if one is married, they should work at the marriage, giving it every possible chance for success.  But if one happens to divorce, that’s okay.  It’s not what God intended from the beginning, and someone’s hardness of heart caused the divorce.  There are many things we do that are not what God intended from the beginning.  Dear reader, we are all sinners and we all have hardness of heart in some areas of our lives.  Hardness of heart and divorce are pardonable.

Further, if you’re divorced, don’t actively seek a new spouse unless you feel you have to.  If you do seek a spouse and remarry, it’s okay; it’s not sin.

Let’s break 1 Corinthians 7 down in this manner:

            Verse 1 says don’t get married.

            Verse 2 says if you do, here are the new rules.

            Verse 8 says don’t get married.

            Verse 9 says if you do, here are the new rules.

            Verse 10 says don’t divorce.

            Verse 11 says if you do, here are the new rules.

            Verse 15a says don’t divorce.

            Verse 15b says if you do, here are the new rules.

            Verse 27 says don’t get remarried.

            Verse 28 says if you do, here are the new rules.

Those, then are the Bible’s truths about divorce and remarriage.  There should be no condemnation from others.  There should be no self-condemnation or self-recrimination.  Jesus does not condemn you.  God does not condemn you.  You are free to live life to the fullest with the joy and peace the Holy Spirit (who lives inside you) gives everyone who is “softhearted,” pliable, humble, and open to God’s living his own life in them, through them, and as them.

This article is based upon an article published in September 1979 by David Ebaugh, who has since then exited this mortal stage and continued on to the next stage of Life’s Great Journey in time and eternity.  David was a dear Christian brother and a great teacher of the Bible.  I miss both him and his teachings.